trans. queer. nonbinary. genderfluid femme. cat person. Jew. intersectional feminism, recovery, body positivity, writing, gender shit, cats.
anti-assimilationist, anti-capitalism, anti-racism, anti-ableism, anti-transmedicalism
I hung out with my cousin last night and it was fun, I love my cousin. We have such a great relationship. We’ve been friends since we were kids. I believe we were each the first person the other came out to (irl at least for me lol). We’re both sensitive and artistic and gay and it’s great.
I cut his hair and he took me out to ~our local gay club~ oh and he dressed me too, he let me wear his clothes and it was so fun. He dressed me up and I tried on some of his clothes it was great. And I think people were actually reading me as a boy? Which never happens when I wear make up. But being at a gay club changes that.
But I guess someone made a comment when my cousin and I went to the bathroom, and I went in the women’s. I know I was presenting masc and I could have gone in the men’s, but I’ve never been in a men’s bathroom and it scares me. And someone said something about boys using the boys restroom. And then some boys followed me in the girl’s, saying “I guess we’ll use this too”? So that was weird.
And some guys complimented my hair and were SO SURPRISED that I did it myself lol bc they were hair dressers. And they go, “It’s very hard to do your own hair, you did a really good job! Did u lighten it yourself too??” And that’s always awkward for me, like, other people telling me it’s hard, when I’m like, well I’ve done my own hair for over a decade so. I know. Lol. It’s much easier to do other people’s hair. But I began doing hair in the first place bc I didn’t want to pay to get mine done. So that’s how I learned. But no one wants to hear my life story. But then my cousin was like, “She cut my hair today,” and one of the guys got this look of surprise and confusion, and quickly looked at me again and I was like… wow you thought I was a boy even after hearing me talk. Seeing their confusion was really funny actually.
But gay clubs suck and everyone is judgy and there are no girls. And lol I realized going to a gay club presenting masc-ish makes me look like a gay boy, and next to my cousin we look like a couple, and inadvertently make it incredibly difficult for either of us to meet people. And the girls that were there might have also read me as a gay boy. Lol gender.
And then last night I had a dream I met Nicki Minaj and I told her she was my favorite and that I loved her. Also I dreamt that I had a beard/significant stubble and I was self-conscious about it bc I’d forgotten to shave and was going to see ppl who didn’t know I’m trans.
And then today my dad goes, “Did you and Jon do anything last night?” And I say, “Yeah,” and he says, “Besides stay home and watch anime?” WOW, RUDE. And what’s wrong with staying home and watching anime?? Sigh I’m a nerd.