I’m kinda nervous about starting hormones. First because I’m going to have to do shots. I wasn’t anticipating that. I imagined I’d go on a patch. But my doctor basically said he didn’t think any prescription less than 100mg was worth it. He wanted to give me 200, but agreed to 100 when I said I don’t mind if it takes longer, and I want to make sure I won’t get any emotional side effects. I didn’t mention there’s also the problem that my family doesn’t know I’m going on hormones.
I guess that’s what else I’m nervous about. That my family will be able to tell, and will give me shit for it.
My sister is getting married in November. We went to try on bridesmaid dresses, and my mom said to me, “you’re going to have to shave for this one,” and I said, “it’s not happening” and she said, “you need to” and my sister said “I don’t care” and I said, “see? She doesn’t care” and my mom said, “I care,” and I said, “well it’s not your body” and closed the dressing room door. My mom looked like I had slapped her face. But when I opened the door again she gave me a hug and said, “oh my beautiful daughter” and I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes into the back of my head.
I’ve come out to them. They know I’m genderqueer. They know I prefer they/them pronouns. But they still refer to me with female-identifiers and pronouns.
I know I’m allowed to do what I want with my body. But it is hard when you don’t have the support of your family. But I do kinda have a chosen family now. I have two really great friends who are there for me no matter what. And they can help me with my shots. And with my side effects. And with the natural changes of transitioning.