"You are beautiful" is a compliment.
"Hello, beautiful" is speaking to me as if my name is "beautiful". This is a pet name. The exact thing I said not to use, and the exact word to be even more specific.
My name is not “Beautiful”, and I never have to take any unsolicited compliment ever. Flat out.
He’s just mad that I caught him being a douche who doesn’t bother reading profiles, and sends shitty copy and paste messages. Sorry not sorry dude.
(Before some sad little misogynist cries about “why did she even reply then!? that bitch?!”… please know that not only does your opinion not matter, but you’re the same assholes who whine when I don’t “spell it out” for a guy as to why I don’t reply. So here’s your reply. Deal. And I blocked him after. Win win.)
Why do I get the feeling you were just waiting for someone to make a slight mistake? That you wanted to grill someone over something so fucking stupid. That you had an agenda, and were just praying for some nice Tumblr re blog material. This is bonkers.
That’s not what’s going on. He did something she did not like (something he could have avoided but chose not to do) and she got onto him for it. First impressions are important and by either ignoring or failing to apologize for his mistake, he ruined his chance for an actual conversation.
Compliments are not pet names. Had he called her ‘toots’ or ‘babe’ or something, I’d be a little more understanding. But he gave a simple, safe compliment and was lectured and she pretty much antagonized him from there. It’s an overreaction.
Ordinarily, I would agree that it’s an over-reaction but she specifically stated she did not want to be called ‘Beautiful’. You may not see a problem with that and I won’t assume you’ve never been cat-called or over complimented (or even see a problem with it) but if a person says ‘I don’t want to be called this,’ and you call them that anyway, that’s rude and inconsiderate. Regardless.
I remember once upon a time, I used to have a friend that would constantly call me ‘gorgeous’ and ‘beautiful’ and I thought it was nice. Then they called me that everyday. For a year. I didn’t like the name so much anymore because it was annoying and now I find it detestable.
I’m not OP but I empathize with the dislike of being ‘called’ a name (or adjective) I do not want to be called. If you want to say ‘You are a beautiful’, that’s fine - but don’t call me that. At the very least, fucking ask WHY I don’t like - don’t assume I’m supposed to like something, just because YOU like it or don’t understand WHY I don’t.
It’s a tricky subject and I will do what I can to not call people names they don’t want, but there’s a much better way to go about this. Also, I’m glad we could discuss this in a civil manner.
Too bad you couldn’t be civil and discuss this with me as opposed to talking about me like I’m not the OP who can see every comment.
It says right above why saying “hello beautiful” is a pet name.
It’s not innocent if it’s UNWANTED and I’ve VERY clearly said so.
Also, maybe you should look into misogyny and catcalling and why disrespecting someone’s clearly dictated boundaries is not cool.
Also you seem to have a lot more problems with me “antagonizing him” than you do with the fact that he is the one who disrespected me first, and that I am REACTING to that. Also, you seem to completely ignore the fact that he then demanded that I accept his disrespect with “learn to fucking take one”
You genuinely seem to think I should coddle and be cutesie wootsie with a man who disrespected me, which says a lot about how you think women should act when being harassed, and thus says a lot about you.
You act like I am sitting around wringing my hands, waiting for someone to fuck up, except this happens EVERY DAY, and if I posted every time someone sent me some bullshit, that’s ALL this blog would be. Stop acting like this isn’t happening to countless women all day every day.
Also nice ableist comment you piece of shit.
Please fuck right off
I seriously do not understand where this person’s logic is. You clearly (and even politely, I’d say) gave this guy a full explanation as to why you didn’t want to talk to him and how his approach was crossing boundaries and made you uncomfortable/not interested.
Instead of not responding or taking what she had to say into consideration, he gets pissed and demands that she takes his ‘compliment’.
Something is not automatically ‘nice’ or a ‘compliment’ as long as it’s not explicit or rude. He either didn’t care enough to even read her profile or he just blatantly disregarded her wishes in how to be addressed. That is HIS fucking fault and he got a damn good response to it. I’m willing to bet if he had actually responded like a mature adult who can handle being rightly rejected, that this wouldn’t be the same story. But ya know, I think it’s pretty fucking reasonable to post this for an example of how to not approach women and to actually maybe listen to someone’s feelings/boundaries instead of only thinking about yourself. She didn’t owe him jack shit, but she DID explain to him why what he did bothered her and she wasn’t even rude about it. It’s not her fault he acted like a whiny turd in response.